Tales of Throwing Shade Grenades
For those who are sick of being sick… and sick of everyone else’s tantrums, too.
Let’s take a moment to reflect on a modern mystery: Why do fully grown humans—some of whom probably file taxes and own crockpots—lose their ever-loving minds in public? Why is grace under pressure apparently out of stock at the same store that forgot to stock common sense?
Exhibit A: Yours truly, at LabCorp. Just another zebra trying to get poked, drained, and sent home before the heat index hit “surface of the sun.” But the waiting room drama? Oh no. That was not part of the lab order. Picture this: a grown man—let’s call him Sir Scream-a-Lot—decides the line is moving too slowly for his taste (because clearly, phlebotomists exist to personally offend him). So naturally, he handles this disappointment with dignity and calm…
Just kidding. He did not handle it well.
He rips signs off walls like he’s auditioning for WWE, screams obscenities like it’s a one-man Broadway rage musical, and storms out with enough fury to register on the Richter scale. And here’s the kicker: he was literally next in line.
I sat there, clutching my ice water like it was holy, thinking, Did someone forget to tell him this isn’t an episode of Real Housewives: Medical Edition?
I get it, chronic illness makes you short on spoons and running low on patience, but that’s no excuse to turn the waiting room into your personal demolition derby. Take a nap. Eat a gummy. Journal it out. Just maybe don’t cuss out the overworked healthcare workers at the front desk who didn’t invent the queue system.
But wait—because karma isn’t done doling out the weird this week.
Exhibit B: A “friend” (using that term loosely) responds to my email announcement on my latest body of work—(www.edsjointeffort.com) something I poured months of energy, brain fog management, and more than a few late-night existential spirals into—with a response that starts with a compliment and ends with a backhanded slap so passive-aggressive I got whiplash.
The message basically read:
“Wow, great work! Buuuuut I’m super disappointed because I was gonna do something like this once. Before I got too sick. And now you’ve… basically stolen my idea and the spotlight and crushed my dreams. But congrats though!”
Um. Thanks? Yep I’m calling you out Kate! Guess who should offering an apology for real?
So let me get this straight: we both see the need for a thing, you didn’t do the thing, told me you couldn’t do the thing, cheered me on at one point to do the thing—and now you’re mad I… did the thing?
Can someone please make it make sense for me please?
Some days I wonder if people are out here harvesting resentment like it’s an artisanal heirloom crop and I missed the memo on why. Is it green ugly envy monsters or built up trauma that allows people to feel like its appropriate to lash out at others?
And here's the deeper cut: this person could have said, “I’m so proud of you,” or “It’s inspiring to see you create despite your own health challenges.” You know—something with actual supportive energy. Something that could’ve been uplifting for us both.
Because, and let me whisper this in case it’s a secret: Complimenting others does not subtract from your own self-worth. It adds. It literally raises dopamine in the giver and the receiver. Studies actually prove it - read more on that. Compliments are the serotonin snacks of the social world. They're free. They’re powerful. And they don’t require you to throw anything off a wall.
But here we are. In a world where people throw tantrums in lab waiting rooms and act betrayed when someone else dares to turn dreams into deliverables. This attention-seeking behavior has got to be put in check and kindness be fostered for humanity to survive what’s going on in our chaotic world, right?
Age Up , Act Right
So here’s my take. You will never get the attention and care you want by behaving badly. Not in a LabCorp, especially not in a doctor’s office when you rage on the front desk staff. Not to your family, your friends or to random strangers in the waiting room alike. If you want respect, you must give it. If you want compassionate care with kindness, yes you must give it too. Period.
No matter how long you’ve been waiting, wishing or despite our already high level of frustration with the system and with our bodies. Acting out or behaving badly is not right. Unless there’s abuse, misconduct, or legal rationale that warrants it. So stop that sh*t!
So, what’s the takeaway?
Maybe it’s this: if you don’t have anything nice to say… sit with that. Seriously, stop, and think before you send that text or rage on that customer service person. Then maybe say nothing. Like your momma always said. Or better yet, go say something kind to someone who deserves it. (Spoiler alert: you probably know someone right now.) Offer thanks, gratitude or a simple smile to say you appreciate what they are doing in their part of the cray-cray.
Because while we can’t stop adult meltdowns (even by elected officials and public figures) or stop other people’s jealous shade grenades, we can keep doing the thing.
The hard thing.
The healing thing.
The meaningful thing.
For ourselves, the wider community and our nervous system.
Why Is This So Prominent Right Now?
Things in our world are spinning and reactivity is being rewarded for attention grabbing in the media everyday. Some people might need to react and respond in kind. Or maybe feel entitled to your watching your collapse.
Is this a form of their own Imposter syndrome? Fear of failure so they never try?
No matter why, they will resent your rise because it reminds them of what they couldn’t—or wouldn’t—do.
They’ll sugarcoat their bitterness in fake encouragement.
They’ll torch a room when patience would’ve brought resolution.
They’ll project their own stuckness onto anyone who dared to move forward.
But what if—stay with me here—we all took a breath and remembered this basic, radical truth:
Compliments are free. Kindness costs nothing. And lifting others up doesn’t bring you down. Giving respect = receiving respect. Then we are all elevated!
In fact, neuroscience says it boosts both your dopamine and theirs. Complimenting someone is a chemical win-win. Passive-aggressive shade, on the other hand? That’s just emotional fast food—cheap, addictive, and you’ll hate yourself later.
So maybe we need a new policy here at Zebra’s Underground:
If you don’t have anything nice to say… say it somewhere else.
If you’re about to go full Hulk-mode in a public place, maybe go full nap instead.
And if you’re feeling bitter, jealous, insecure—try naming it instead of blaming it. That’s how we heal.
So Tell Me:
Have you ever been witness to an adult tantrum that left you afraid?
Has someone tried to disguise criticism as “support” when you succeeded at something they couldn’t finish?
What do you do when someone tries to dim your light because they couldn’t get theirs to turn on?
Hit reply. Comment below.
Share it with your zebra crew.
Because these are the things we’re not supposed to say out loud.
And yet—here we are. Saying them. Out loud.
I say allow your little light to shine anyway you can.
🦓 Zebra’s Underground: Because Emotional Maturity Should Be Contagious.
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Love love love your content!!! 3 Zebra women in our house and your words resonate, encourage, make me laugh, make me know we are NOT alone in our pain and chronic illness. Keep writing!!! Cheering you on! I will upgrade asap. I promise!